The Bad Sport

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CLEVELAND – One day after the Cleveland Browns openly discussed reaching out to NBA superstar LeBron James to join their team, the organization quickly “Drew” up another plan to turn its season around.

Coach Eric Mangini booked an early Thursday flight out to Los Angeles, where he’s expected to meet with “The Price Is Right” host and Cleveland native, Drew Carey. The meeting will take place at Jumbo’s Clown Room in Hollywood, according to dancer, Two Legs and Two Breasts, who says Carey let the “kitty cat” out of the bag yesterday while visiting the establishment.

“Drew was here for his usual power hour, and while I was giving him his ninth lapdance, it just came out,” she said. “After I put it back in his pants, he told me.”

Mangini sees Carey, who last played football Saturday night on his XBox, as a potential left tackle to protect quarterback Brady Quinn’s blind side, according to Browns sources.

“If Drew can block Brady and LeBron can get open, I smell a big second half for us,” said one team insider. “Drew could literally ‘Carey’ us to victory.”

The team insider, who then laughed at his joke for the next four minutes, also shared another joke about the Browns.

“What do you get now when you play the Browns on a Sunday?” he asked. “A victory … Get it?”

“Wanna know what you get when you play the Browns on a Mon-”

Click.

The Browns have a lot of work to do if they’re going to pry Carey away from his cush TV gig. Carey is under a contract with CBS and Freemantle Media that pays him in the high seven figures per season, and the Browns will have to buy out his contract if he is going to suit up.

The team will also have to find a tailor to customize a uniform big enough to cover Carey.

“He don’t even shop here no more,” said Ralphie Zingerslope, manager of the Burbank Big & Tall Shop. “I got nothin’ that fits him.”

Carey wouldn’t return calls at his home, office or any strip club within a 75-mile radius of Hollywood.

James, when told of Mangini’s meeting with the boob tube star, had nothing to add.

“I’m focusing on one thing only and that’s tomorrow’s game against the Pacers,” said James, whose sneakers bore the initials, T.P.I.R. at the team’s practice.

“LeBron James! Come on down!” said a voice over the loud speaker.

“Sorry, gotta go,” smiled James, who darted down the court.

Mangini, in his first year with the Browns, has led the team to a 1-8 record, tied for the league worst. Cleveland has scored a mere 78 points, the lowest in the National Football League.

Mangini could be reached for comment, but he is too boring to print.