The Bad Sport

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Since Tiger Woods confessed Wednesday to “transgressions” after multiple women alleged that they had affairs with the world’s No. 1 golfer, a multitude of prominent sports figures have come to his rescue.

“This is outrageous,” said Rick Pitino, the Louisville men’s basketball coach. “There are more important things in life than this, like the economy and golf.”

Pitino, who admitted to authorities in August that he had consensual sex and paid for an abortion for a woman charged with trying to extort money from him, added that he feels for Woods’ plight.

“What a man does behind closed doors with a bunch of hot young women while his wife is home with their children is his own business,” the coach said. “It’s a cardinal sin for (the media) to be chasing this story as much as Tiger chased that tail.”

Woods has been out of the public eye ever since he ran into a fire hydrant with his SUV early last Friday morning. After multiple women spoke out about their alleged trysts with Woods, he pulled out of this weekend’s Chevron World Challenge, his golf tournament at Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks, Calif.

While these allegations have likely hurt Woods’ public image with women, it has only increased it with the opposite sex. A poll conducted by GolfSluts.com found that 110 percent of men would cheat on their wives if they had the chance. When asked how a percentage higher than 100 was calculated, a GolfSluts.com spokesman said “that’s how much effort these men would give those honeys.”

New York Yankees third basemen Alex Rodriguez heard about the Woods story yesterday while allegedly cheating on Kate Hudson with a UCLA undergrad he met at a Fat Burger earlier in the week.

“I must say that I was a bit taken aback by the news,” Rodriguez said later in the day, as he walked at a fast pace twenty feet apart from a woman in a USC sweatshirt. “But as a man, or human, or person, one needs to go through some self discovery before truly knowing who one really is.

“By the way, do you know how many of my teammates showed up to Derek Jeter’s (Sports Illustrated) Sportsman of the Year dinner?”

Get Sum Now, a non-profit that raises money to educate men on the benefits of infidelity, is organizing mass protests in New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami, and Racine, Wisc. for 2:30 a.m. next Friday to celebrate the two-week anniversary of Woods SUV accident, which started his downward spiral.

Thousands of cheating men and porn addicts are expected to attend, and additional figures from the sports world are looking forward to it.

“I think this is a smart move for Get Sum Now,” said Steve Phillips, a former ESPN baseball analyst who was fired after admitting he had an affair with a young female assistant. “Sometimes when you’re in the heat of battle, you have to show your opposition what you’re made of. This is what separates the cheaters from the men.”

Woods remained unavailable for comment.

Eric Mangini was available for comment, but he remained too boring to print and had nothing to do with this story.