The Bad Sport

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The BCS and common sense will finally meet in 2010.

After years of intense scrutiny for what many critics consider a flawed system, the Bowl Championship Series will finally institute a college football playoff next season, said Bill Hancock, its executive director.

There will no longer be any computers or polls involved. Instead, one man will decide who will face each other in the playoff: Jim Cramer.

Cramer, who hosts Mad Money on CNBC, will begin hosting Mad Football on the NFL Network. He will pick the BCS playoff teams the same way he selects stocks: by taking calls from the men in charge – this time, schools’ coaches.

“I’ve never been more excited in my life than I am now,” said Cramer, who wore a Harvard jersey with its sleeves rolled up to his shoulders. “This will ensure fairness for all college football fans. Booyah!”

Five Division 1 programs completed their seasons undefeated, although only two of them – Alabama and Texas – are expected to vie for the BCS title. The others – TCU, Cincinnati, and Boise State – will likely settle for other BCS bowls. After watching another controversial season play out, Hancock said he huddled up with a BCS assistant and intern for a “power half hour” in a conference room, where they came up with the solution.

“College football has passionate fans, so it deserves someone with equal passion involved in the decision making process,” Hancock said. “It’s a mad world out there and Jim Cramer is just the man to calm it down a little bit.”

The new system has been lauded by the college football community, most specifically its head coaches. Since the announcement, 75 coaches have contacted Cramer to set up in-home visits, his assistant said. Florida’s Urban Meyer, USC’s Pete Carroll and Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops each sent Verizon to Cramer’s home to set up a special phone line, only to be chased away by Cramer’s canine, Mad Dog.

Nevertheless, they can’t wait for next season.

“I tell ya, the BCS finally got it right,” Carroll said. “Now nothing’s left to chance, and I don’t have to worry anymore about losing to crappy Pac-10 teams I don’t get my team prepared to play.”

Meyer, whose Gators lost the SEC title game to Alabama on Saturday, said Cramer could have been the difference for his squad this season.

“With Jim running the show, we could still be in the title game,” Meyer said. “I don’t care what the computers or polls say. I care what Jim Cramer says, and I know next year at Notre Dame, I mean, Florida, he’ll say Gators.”

Even Jon Stewart, the host of The Daily Show who in March butted heads with Cramer over his day job, has no complaints.

“This has no effect on me whatsoever, so what the fuck do I care,” said Stewart, who attended the College of William and Mary. “Let (Cramer) run wild with this. I don’t gamble on sports, and if he stops paying attention to stocks and Mad Money is cancelled, Americans won’t be gambling on their futures anymore.”

Cramer laughed off the Stewart comment.

“Jon is a very funny man, but he won’t be laughing when I tell everybody to SELL his show and BUY Jimmy Fallon.”

Fallon, who was begging his audience to follow him on Twitter, was unavailable for comment.