The Bad Sport

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ST. LOUIS – Tiger’s penis may now be limp, but he still remains a pimp.

Just days after Gatorade dumped Woods, Pimp Juice Energy Drink swooped right in and signed him to a two-year, $10 million endorsement contract.

Rapper Nelly, who co-owns the energy drink inspired by his song of the same name, reached out to Woods immediately when he heard that he was a beverage free agent.

“What we got here is a bonafide pimp and no matter what ya’ll say ’bout him, Tiger got some mad pimp juice inside him,” said Nelly, who sat next to Woods at a Monday press conference at the drink’s Fillmore Street Brewery. “Pimp Juice is proud to have a Tiger representin’.”

Woods, who checked out two months early from the Gentle Path sex addition program at the Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services center in Hattiesburg, Miss., to attend the press conference, said Nelly’s sales pitch was perfect.

“Nelly made me realize I have nothing to apologize for,” Woods said. “There is nothing wrong with being a pimp, and there is everything right with drinking Pimp Juice. I was pretty fired up to have my first Vodka and Pimp Juice this morning.”

Woods said he will still take some time away from golf, but now to  focus on the National Pimp Tour. Woods on Thursday begins a six-week, 50-city night club tour to promote the beverage. When asked if he planned to sleep with any more VIP hostesses, Woods would only say, “I’ll make sure they get plenty of my Pimp Juice.”

Nelly, who hasn’t had a hit song in years, was excited to be back in the public spotlight.

“I mean, I’m happy to be here with y’all, but this is Tiger’s day,” Nelly said. “He represents this brand like nobody else could.”

While never a big hit, Nelly’s song received plenty of attention – almost all critical – for what many called glorification of prostitution.

Woods, though, stood up for Nelly.

“Nelly is a visionary, and what lyrics may not have made sense years ago are crystal clear today,” Woods said. “Because when I’ve got a can of this on me, and a woman is nearby, I can say one way or another that she only wants me for my Pimp Juice.”