Just days after Gatorade dumped Woods, Pimp Juice Energy Drink swooped right in and signed him to a two-year, $10 million endorsement contract.

Tiger couldn't stop roaring about his Pimp Juice.

Rapper Nelly, who co-owns the energy drink inspired by his song of the same name, reached out to Woods immediately when he heard that he was a beverage free agent.

“What we got here is a bonafide pimp and no matter what ya’ll say ’bout him, Tiger got some mad pimp juice inside him,” said Nelly, who sat next to Woods at a Monday press conference at the drink’s Fillmore Street Brewery. “Pimp Juice is proud to have a Tiger representin’.”

Woods, who checked out two months early from the Gentle Path sex addition program at the Pine Grove Behavioral Health and Addiction Services center in Hattiesburg, Miss., to attend the press conference, said Nelly’s sales pitch was perfect.

“Nelly made me realize I have nothing to apologize for,” Woods said. “There is nothing wrong with being a pimp, and there is everything right with drinking Pimp Juice. I was pretty fired up to have my first Vodka and Pimp Juice this morning.”

Tiger took down a big ass can of Pimp Juice on the links.

Woods said he will still take some time away from golf, but now to  focus on the National Pimp Tour. Woods on Thursday begins a six-week, 50-city night club tour to promote the beverage. When asked if he planned to sleep with any more VIP hostesses, Woods would only say, “I’ll make sure they get plenty of my Pimp Juice.”

Nelly, who hasn’t had a hit song in years, was excited to be back in the public spotlight.

“I mean, I’m happy to be here with y’all, but this is Tiger’s day,” Nelly said. “He represents this brand like nobody else could.”

While never a big hit, Nelly’s song received plenty of attention – almost all critical – for what many called glorification of prostitution.

Woods, though, stood up for Nelly.

“Nelly is a visionary, and what lyrics may not have made sense years ago are crystal clear today,” Woods said. “Because when I’ve got a can of this on me, and a woman is nearby, I can say one way or another that she only wants me for my Pimp Juice.”

Sampson shows off her new sunglasses.

“I’d say (have sex with) me or (position me) over and (have sex with me) hard, and while his body responded, Tiger just wasn’t responding with his voice,” Sampson said from her San Fernando Valley condominium on Sunday. “It was frustrating to (have sex with) Tiger when he wouldn’t talk while he (put his penis) in my (vagina).”

After some post-coital conversation, Tiger admitted he was shy about expressing himself during sex, Sampson said. That’s when Sampson says she asked Tiger if he could meet her halfway and tweet his feelings to her.

“He jumped out of bed with this big smile on his face and a raging (erection) and said ‘hell (bleepin’) yeah,” she said. “It was the moment that took our (sexual intercourse) to another level.”

Woods loved to "tweet all night," Sampson said.

Sampson, who saved multiple screenshots of Woods’ tweets to her during their romps in bed, says Woods eventually started talking. But without Twitter, he never would have made that kind of progress, she said.

A poll conducted by the Porn Stars of North and Latin America shows that only 28 percent of men talk during sex. And of those, only 0.3 percent last long enough to complete an entire sentence.

Since her revelation, Sampson says she has counseled other cheating celebrities and public officials on how to become more open, she said.

Former Democratic presidential nominee John Edwards, former New York governor Eliot Spitzer, and New York Yankees third baseman Alex Rodriguez are among the clients of Open It Up, a Sampson’s nonprofit that “teaches men how to speak while (having sex) so the women they are (having sex with) will spread it wide open,” according to its website, OpenItUp.cum.

“Open It Up helped me keep my mouth shut in public and my lips open in the bedroom,” Rodriguez said.

Woods, who on Friday apologized to his wife, his mother, his sponsors, the golfing community, his mailman, and his Viagra supplier at a press conference where he admitted his sex addition, did not return phone calls.

But his last Twitter update said it all.

“My johnson has an ice pack around it and it can’t get up!” he tweeted.

Woods' tweets during sex with Sampson

The golfing great, who nearly two months ago checked into the Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services in an attempt to save his marriage, has instead turned the clinic into an “orgy palace,” according to a source who knows one of the facility’s patients.

Woods and Favre are pumped up about pumping.

Better yet, Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has joined the party. Favre opened up his Hattiesburg home to Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, so she could be near her troubled husband. But when he went to visit Woods on his own two weeks ago, he allegedly was literally roped into a ménage a trois with Woods and a counselor.

That started a domino effect that has turned the center upside down into a kinky playground. Reports of sexual acts that would make the biggest adult film stars blush have experts debating if Woods is the greatest sex addict of all time.

“He’d have to be right up there with the greats,” said Dick Longstaff, star of “Hi, My Name is Dick Longstaff I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, and VIII.” “I’ve been in some gang bangs before, and had my share of group sex, but it’s usually with other porn stars.

“To turn a bunch of recovering patients, let alone renowned professionals, into a lust bunch is one for the ages.”

Favre, who hasn’t left the building since visiting Woods, is said to be setting his sights on a new record: The World’s Largest Gangbang.

Tiger Woods' nurses now don far different clothing.

“I’ve got a lot left in me!” Favre was heared screaming one night. “Aaaaaah.”

A male sex addict from the center, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said Favre jumped into the arms of cheering sex addicts after his orgasm. They all patted him on the backside, the source said.

“Brett may be old, but he don’t need no Viagra,” the source said. “Do you know where I can get some Viagra? No seriously, do you know where I can get some?”

Woods, meanwhile, had started bragging about his “Big Bertha” to women in one of his group meetings, said a counselor, who also spoke on the condition of anonymity.

“He had a lot of names for it,” she said. “The 10 iron, the muscle back, the list went on and on.”

Woods and Favre, both of whom could not be reached for comment, allegedly also convinced the staff to order new uniforms, she said.

All female staff now wears naughty nurse outfits. As for the patients, they’re “running around naked and they are loving every minute of it,” she added.

Favre has not told anybody at the center whether he intends on returning to the Vikings for a 20th season next year.

In honor of their birthdays, their friends ordered them each a special cake.

Which alleged mistress is going to blow out Tiger's candles?

Wonder what LeBron is wishing for ...

Stern hopes to be the King of All Mud Wrestling.

The program, entitled “Tiger’s Catch: Butt Bongo Fiesta 2,” will mark Stern’s first New Year’s Eve special in 16 years. It will cost $49.95 to purchase just the match, and $69.95 for the match, plus pre- and post-match analysis by Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’Abate, Stern’s executive producer, and Beetlejuice, one of the show’s “Wack Pack” members.

“This is a historic moment in the history of television,” Stern said this morning on his Sirius Radio show. “In fact Robin (Quivers, his co-host), it’s a historic moment in the history of America.”

The “muddy mistress spectacular,” as Stern described it, will pit all 10 women against each other in a no holds barred match. Tiger Woods, however, will not be participating in the competition, despite Stern’s best efforts to recruit him.

Lange says he can hold his own in the ring.

“Ten hot broads covered in mud and that a-hole isn’t interested,” Stern said. “Maybe he needs his caddy to advise him on the wind velocity between the chicks’ butts.”

Co-host Artie Lange will referee the match, and didn’t rule out getting into the action himself.

“Ten hot (women) covered in mud and you think I’m not gonna dive into the pile?” said Lange, who Stern made weigh in to ensure he didn’t outweigh all 10 mistresses combined. “I haven’t been this excited since that one critic gave my movie Beer League a half star.”

Is Grubbs ready for Muddy Waters?

While Stern would not name every mistress participating, three of those who claimed to have affairs with Woods – Jaimee Grubbs, Jaime Jungers and Holly Sampson – are “100 percent in,” said a man who claimed he was assistant director on Sampson’s most recent adult film, “Into The Woods.”

Media analysts expect Stern’s special to contend for the most watched pay-per-view program ever. But despite their optimism and his event’s enormous publicity, Stern will still have to contend with the likes of Ryan Seacrest and Carson Daly, whose New Year’s specials air on free network television.

“I cater to men who have nothing better to do than (have fun) alone that night,” Stern said. “”Anybody with a pulse will be watching our show. Even Dick Clark will be watching while that fraud Seacrest ruins his franchise.”

Blue knows his way around a ring with women.

One man who said he’ll be shelling out his dough is Joseph “Blue” Pulaski, who said his only issue with the match is the substance involved.

“They should be using KY Jelly,” Pulaski said. “Anyone with a brain knows it’s better for the skin. Those pansies better get their act together.”

Woods, Grubbs, Jungers, and Sampson could not be reached for comment.

Quivers could be reached, but was still laughing at something Stern said an hour earlier.

And it has nothing to do with her craving for the spotlight or his always roving eye.

A-Rod and Kate finally bump chests.

Rather, A-Rod and Kate’s big beef was over boobs.

Hudson reportedly grew jealous of Rodriguez’s pecs, which with or without performance enhancing drugs, were still far larger than hers. Push-up bras could only help so much, and without going under the knife, Hudson realized she could never match up with A-Rod’s cleavage.

A relationship gone flat?

“She was testy with his chesty for sure,” said a source close to a dog walker of a person who overheard Hudson, as she feasted on a yellowfin tuna burger at Union Square Cafe on Tuesday.

The pair began dating in May and didn’t make it officially public until they locked lips in July at Yankee Stadium during the team’s annual postgame picnic. Since then, Hudson appeared at both home and road games, cheering on A-Rod next to the likes of the Yankee players’ wives and Jay-Z.

“It’s a shame if this is true, ’cause Kate and A-Rod made a great couple,” H.O.V.A. said. “They’re both overpaid and only came through in the clutch once – him this past year and her in Almost Famous.”

Kate was not blessed with his chest.

Jay-Z added that he hopes to sample Elton John’s “Tiny Dancer” on his next album, The Last Blueprint, which he says will be his last because of its name.

“That scene when they all singin’ on that bus broke my ass down,” he said. “That was some emotional (stuff).”

Hudson, who was nominated for an Academy Award for her role as Penny Lane in the film, has mostly starred in romantic comedies that missed their mark. But her affair of the heart with A-Rod appeared to be box office gold, especially after the two celebrated the Yankees’ 27th championship at swanky club 1 Oak in Chelsea last month.

Jay-Z won't have to hide his head in shame over his Yankee Stadium seat neighbor anymore.

“They were all over each other,” said a Yankees middle infielder, who requested anonymity. “They took it one sloppy makeout at a time and just tried to make good contact.”

But that was the past, and the two are no longer bosom buddies.

This past weekend in Miami was proof enough, as Rodriguez was overly friendly with plenty of other women. From the W Hotel to The Delano restaurant, A-Rod allegedly had his hands on “more women than even I could handle,” said Tiger Woods.

Hudson prepares for her Amsterdam vacation.

Hudson, in contrast, enjoyed quality time in Manhattan promoting her newest flop, er, film, “Nine,” and working out for hours nonstop at a Soho gym.

Matthew McConaughey, who has twice shared top billing with Hudson in what he calls “paydays,” said he stands by his co-star and applauds her upbeat spirit.

“Hook ‘em Horns,” McConaughey said. “I can’t wait for us to beat down on Alabama.”

McConaughey, whose publicist immediately told him that he was not talking with ESPN Radio, laughed it off, adding, “I’ve got bigger cans than Kate too. Wanna see me shirtless?”

Hudson was unavailable for comment. Rodriguez was available for comment, but his publicist wouldn’t allow him to pick up his phone for fear he’d say something stupid.

McConaughey, who was tackled by a dozen screaming women after taking his shirt off, remained in fair condition at Malibu’s OM Holistic Health Center. The marijuana he was smoking was medical, he said.

Durex has signed Tiger Woods to a five-year endorsement deal to be the face – literally – of its new condom line, the Green Jacket. The brand, which trails market leader Trojan by a hefty margin, believes the controversial golfer can help raise its image, both figuratively and literally.

"Gimme a 12-pack of Tigers?"

“We are extremely proud to have Tiger on our rubbers,” the company said a statement. “We hope many men take pride in putting on the Green Jacket, and most importantly, they GET IT IN THE HOLE!”

The Green Jacket will come in four sizes: The Amateur, The Cut, The Winner, and The Major.

Woods, whose smile will grace both the package and the “package,” released a statement on his new website, ThatsAGolfClubInMyPocket.com, stating, “Like The Masters, Durex offers a proud tradition unlike any other.”

The married Woods remains in the thick of a major sex scandal in which 10 women have been linked to him as mistresses. At least two of them claim that he never wore a condom.

Tiger will protect while men serve.

This raised the eyebrows of Wrap That Thing Up, a nonprofit focused on educating men to “wrap that thing up,” said its spokeswoman.

“If the jimmy has seen the light of day, then Durex shouldn’t have come out to play,” she said. “It’s that simple.”

But I Can’t Find A Condom, a nonprofit focused on educating women that sometimes a man “just doesn’t have time to replenish his stock of johnson blankets,” is standing by Woods, its spokesman said.

“It’s a long haul to the drug store,” said its spokesman, who added the organization is considering that for its 2010 slogan.

The Green Jacket will be on sale in drug stores across the country in time for Christmas, Durex said.

“Mama always said that sex is like a box of condoms,” said an excited Forrest Gump. “Without them, you never know what you’re gonna get.”

Supporters are giving Woods a thumbs up

“This is outrageous,” said Rick Pitino, the Louisville men’s basketball coach. “There are more important things in life than this, like the economy and golf.”

Pitino, who admitted to authorities in August that he had consensual sex and paid for an abortion for a woman charged with trying to extort money from him, added that he feels for Woods’ plight.

“What a man does behind closed doors with a bunch of hot young women while his wife is home with their children is his own business,” the coach said. “It’s a cardinal sin for (the media) to be chasing this story as much as Tiger chased that tail.”

Pitino voiced his disgust towards Woods' critics

Woods has been out of the public eye ever since he ran into a fire hydrant with his SUV early last Friday morning. After multiple women spoke out about their alleged trysts with Woods, he pulled out of this weekend’s Chevron World Challenge, his golf tournament at Sherwood Country Club in Thousand Oaks, Calif.

While these allegations have likely hurt Woods’ public image with women, it has only increased it with the opposite sex. A poll conducted by GolfSluts.com found that 110 percent of men would cheat on their wives if they had the chance. When asked how a percentage higher than 100 was calculated, a GolfSluts.com spokesman said “that’s how much effort these men would give those honeys.”

Can't keep his A-Rod in his pants

New York Yankees third basemen Alex Rodriguez heard about the Woods story yesterday while allegedly cheating on Kate Hudson with a UCLA undergrad he met at a Fat Burger earlier in the week.

“I must say that I was a bit taken aback by the news,” Rodriguez said later in the day, as he walked at a fast pace twenty feet apart from a woman in a USC sweatshirt. “But as a man, or human, or person, one needs to go through some self discovery before truly knowing who one really is.

“By the way, do you know how many of my teammates showed up to Derek Jeter’s (Sports Illustrated) Sportsman of the Year dinner?”

Phillips advises women to keep their eyes on his balls

Get Sum Now, a non-profit that raises money to educate men on the benefits of infidelity, is organizing mass protests in New York, Chicago, Los Angeles, Miami, and Racine, Wisc. for 2:30 a.m. next Friday to celebrate the two-week anniversary of Woods SUV accident, which started his downward spiral.

Thousands of cheating men and porn addicts are expected to attend, and additional figures from the sports world are looking forward to it.

“I think this is a smart move for Get Sum Now,” said Steve Phillips, a former ESPN baseball analyst who was fired after admitting he had an affair with a young female assistant. “Sometimes when you’re in the heat of battle, you have to show your opposition what you’re made of. This is what separates the cheaters from the men.”

Woods remained unavailable for comment.

Eric Mangini was available for comment, but he remained too boring to print and had nothing to do with this story.