Favre was all smiles after curing his munchies.

Favre’s large fries order at the local Burger King occurred at 10:48 p.m. Tuesday, according to Randy Holliday, the fast food establishment’s assistant fry cook.

“Brett made a great choice,” Holliday said. “I told him it would be a better bang for his buck if he went with the combo, and I think that really got him thinking that second time through the drive-through. When he finally ordered his meal, I could tell he was very happy and enjoyed the fries.”

Favre asked for extra ketchup and salt and ate the fries with his bare hands, Holliday said.

“It was one of those moments you’ll just never forget because you were there,” he said.

Favre has been through plenty of similar excrutiating decisions before. There was his famous “chocolate or vanilla” cone decision at his 8th birthday party at a Gulfport, Miss. Dairy Queen, and his “extra baked beans” decision in sixth grade.

And nobody will forget Favre’s controversial decision last year to order a quesadilla without cheese at Taco Bell, prompting speculation that he was sending a message to the Wisconsin cheese industry.

Brett Favre's french fry order moments before he ate them

However, it was his latest selection that had his fans – and detractors – talking at the water cooler more than ever before.

“To be honest, I think he was a bit selfish,” LeBron James said. “He could have used his fame and power to raise money for the kids and announce his order to the world. LeBron James would never jerk around some fry cook like that.”

Hasbro officials are rumored to be furiously designing a special edition Mr. Potato Head to commemorate Favre, who fans are now calling the Carbohydrate Kid.

Favre could not be reached for comment, as he was still deciding whether to return his calls.

The Booty Meat Footlong.

The long rumored Kim Kardashian and Jared Fogle hookup is beginning to look like a reality.

Kardashian has apparently moved onto Fogle.

The reality TV star and Playboy pinup, who met Fogle last year on the set of a boyfriend Reggie Bush’s Subway Commercial, has been seen arriving and departing the same Indianapolis night club – there is only one – as Fogle the past three Friday and Saturday nights.

“They’re definitely an item,” said a source, who claims to have seen the two inside Subterra Lounge Saturday. “She was grinding all over his five dollar footlong and he had some serious white man’s overbite goin’ on.”

Bush and Fogle were all smiles on the set of a Subway commercial.

Kardashian apparently made it known that she was back on the market after opting to party with Jesus after the Super Bowl instead of Bush, who plays running back for the NFL champion New Orleans Saints.

But after Jesus dumped her to perform miracles for other sports teams and athletes, Kardashian turned to Fogle, who she most recently partied with in January at his 10th anniversary Subway party. Kardashian also attended the same Halloween party as Fogle last year, when she said it was a “coinkidink” that he was Superman and she was Wonder Woman.

Kardashian, seen dining with friends at Sushi Roku in West Hollywood on Tuesday night, had little to say upon leaving the posh restaurant.

Did Jared show Kim his super sub?

“I have little to say,” she said.

Fogle, who was unavailable for comment, is training to fight NBA Hall of Famer Charles Barkley in a UFC cage match this summer. While he is currently engaged, Fogle is no stranger to celebrities chasing after him.

Lady GaGa is rumored to have penned her hit song, “Bad Romance,” for Fogle, and Britney Spears allegedly promised the Subway pitchman to give up McDonald’s for life if he showed her his Sweet Onion Chicken Teriyaki.

GaGa and Spears would not return phone calls. Bush could not be reached, but his most recent Tweet on Sunday read, “@JFFootlong best watch your back boy.”

The golfing great, who nearly two months ago checked into the Pine Grove Behavioral Health & Addiction Services in an attempt to save his marriage, has instead turned the clinic into an “orgy palace,” according to a source who knows one of the facility’s patients.

Woods and Favre are pumped up about pumping.

Better yet, Minnesota Vikings quarterback Brett Favre has joined the party. Favre opened up his Hattiesburg home to Woods’ wife, Elin Nordegren, so she could be near her troubled husband. But when he went to visit Woods on his own two weeks ago, he allegedly was literally roped into a ménage a trois with Woods and a counselor.

That started a domino effect that has turned the center upside down into a kinky playground. Reports of sexual acts that would make the biggest adult film stars blush have experts debating if Woods is the greatest sex addict of all time.

“He’d have to be right up there with the greats,” said Dick Longstaff, star of “Hi, My Name is Dick Longstaff I, II, III, IV, V, VI, VII, and VIII.” “I’ve been in some gang bangs before, and had my share of group sex, but it’s usually with other porn stars.

“To turn a bunch of recovering patients, let alone renowned professionals, into a lust bunch is one for the ages.”

Favre, who hasn’t left the building since visiting Woods, is said to be setting his sights on a new record: The World’s Largest Gangbang.

Tiger Woods' nurses now don far different clothing.

“I’ve got a lot left in me!” Favre was heared screaming one night. “Aaaaaah.”

A male sex addict from the center, who spoke on the condition of anonymity, said Favre jumped into the arms of cheering sex addicts after his orgasm. They all patted him on the backside, the source said.

“Brett may be old, but he don’t need no Viagra,” the source said. “Do you know where I can get some Viagra? No seriously, do you know where I can get some?”

Woods, meanwhile, had started bragging about his “Big Bertha” to women in one of his group meetings, said a counselor, who also spoke on the condition of anonymity.

“He had a lot of names for it,” she said. “The 10 iron, the muscle back, the list went on and on.”

Woods and Favre, both of whom could not be reached for comment, allegedly also convinced the staff to order new uniforms, she said.

All female staff now wears naughty nurse outfits. As for the patients, they’re “running around naked and they are loving every minute of it,” she added.

Favre has not told anybody at the center whether he intends on returning to the Vikings for a 20th season next year.

Christ won his record 40th Super Bowl, adding to an already impressive championship collection that includes 70 World Series titles, 43 NBA crowns, 39 Stanley Cups, and 3858 Olympic gold medals.

Jesus is carried off the field after winning another Super Bowl.

“I wouldn’t be standing here without thanking the man above,” Brees said. “He helped to not only deliver a championship to a franchise, but to an entire city. Thank you, Jesus.”

Christ, who wasn’t seen throughout most of the game, filled in for Brees during a trick play in the fourth quarter that helped the Saints take the lead for good. He also stepped in on defense, making four tackles and pressuring Peyton Manning six times.

Jesus points the Saints to victory.

“Jesus Christ, I can’t believe it!” exclaimed Saints Head Coach Sean Payton, as he watched Christ hoisted by his teammates off the field. “We owe this all to Jesus.”

One Saint player who wasn’t as pleased with Christ’s heroics was Reggie Bush. His 63 yards of total offense was not enough to please girlfriend Kim Kardashian, who showed up with Christ to a South Beach victory party late Sunday evening.

Bush was nowhere to be found.

Christ and Kardashian celebrated all night long.

A man who stayed in the Gansevoort South Hotel said he heard Kardashian screaming Christ’s name nonstop between 2 am and 4 am.

“She definitely wasn’t in church,” he said.

Bush and Kardashian did not return phone calls.

Christ was too focused on the NBA and NHL seasons to be interviewed, but issued a statement through his publicist.

“I am always glad to help rich athletes win championships,” he said. “It is achievements like these that make me proud to be who I am.”

The Colts D could set Kardashian free.

Bush, the Saints’ electric running back who helped lead them to the franchise’s first Super Bowl appearance, has been dating the reality star for about two years. They briefly separated last summer, but quickly reunited when Bush remembered that Kardashian had a “phat booty,” a source close to Bush said.

Kardashian came to the decision after realizing that she could not marry an athlete who isn’t a champion. Her sister, Khloe, in September married Los Angeles Lakers’ forward, Lamar Odom, just three months after he won an NBA title. And her mom, Chris Kardashian, married Bruce Jenner, the 1976 Olympic gold medalist in the decathalon.

Khloe brags that she's the second Kardashian to marry a champion.

“Kim is obsessed with being the center of attention, and she cannot imagine being married to a man who finishes in second place,” said a woman, who claims to be friends with a waiter from West Hollywood’s The Ivy, where Kardashian was rumored to have had lunch on Wednesday with friends. “All she kept saying was, ‘I’ll never hear the end of it from Khloe, and do you really think my mom would have married Bruce if he got (the) silver or bronze (medal)?”

Bush will be benched by Kardashian if the Saints lose.

If being a 5 1/2 point underdog to Peyton Manning and the Indianapolis Colts wasn’t enough pressure, now Bush has even more on his mind heading into Sunday’s game.

“Reggie doesn’t feel pressure about Kim or anything,” said a University of Southern California football booster, who requested anonymity. “If he wasn’t nervous about driving that Benz I got him with … wait, you aren’t printing this, are you?”

Bush refused to discuss Kardashian during his media session Wednesday.

Will Kardashian and Bush stay together? Does anybody care?

“I’m here to talk about football and only football,” he said. “And my endorsements. And the San Diego area code. And my abs.”

Kardashian, who leaked a new sex video through her publicist, released a statement saying, “I am furious that this video has been stolen and released on the internet. We will get to the bottom of this.”

Coincidentally, the video is entitled, The Bottom of This.

Jenner was originally opposed to Khloe’s marriage to Odom, since they’d only met one month earlier.  However, he finally embraced his son-in-law after breaking down during his toast to the couple, which aired on E! Entertainment’s “Keeping Up With The Kardashians.”

Jenner, looking more human in his pre-plastic surgery days.

Jenner, who calls Odom a “taller, black version of my son Brody,” is rumored to be talking with Bush in the days before the big game.

“Reggie and I have a good relationship, but I’m not discussing specifics right now,” Jenner said. “When the E! crew arrives on Sunday, I’ll be happy to open up.”

Jenner added that his Olympic achievement easily trumped that of Odom and anything Bush “has done or will ever do in football.”

“The decathalon is a measure of athletic ability in so many more areas than these guys display,” he said. “But I’m still proud to call Lamar my son-in-law.”

Question is, will he ever get to call Bush the same?

Vick could only wonder what kind of award he'd win had he come back from twice as many dog killings.

“I had nothing to do with this,” said the man, who refused to come out from behind his curtain. “While I admit giving Three 6 Mafia its Oscar (for Best Song, “It’s Hard Out Here for a Pimp” in 2006), I don’t know enough about sports to be this clever.”

Vick met with NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell on Friday and denied ever meeting The Wizard. A source close to Goodell said that the commissioner took Vick at his word after confirming that none of his fingers and toes were crossed.

A speechless Cowardly Lion

“Michael Vick has been to Oz, but not that Oz,” the commissioner was overheard saying.

But that didn’t satisfy the once Cowardly Lion, who received the Wizard’s only Medal of Courage in 70 years.

“If I had my way, I would go into that locker room and say to those birds, ‘Put ‘em up, put ‘em up! Which one of you first?” the lion said.

When told the team has more than 50 “birds,” the lion handed The Wizard back his medal and disappeared about 100 yards down the yellow brick road.

Anderson apologized for the "T" and "A" being misplaced on her shirt.

While the lion turned wuss again, hundreds of members of PETA and graffiti artists out of red paint protested outside Lincoln Financial Field into the early morning Saturday. They said they would not leave until the Eagles revoked the award from Vick or police arrested them, whichever came first.

Among those representing PETA was Pam Anderson, who now regularly shows up to the group’s demonstrations because it’s the only way she gets publicity, her ex-publicist said.

In response to the public outrage, Vick issued the following statement: “I am proud to know that my name will be right there with firefighters in the dictionary under ‘courage,’ and promise that I will live up to those standards once my attorney tells me what they are.”

Had Vick not garnered the award, quarterback Donovan McNabb reportedly would have received it for the courage to shave his head, an unnamed player said.

No caption necessary.

The Eagles, who lead the NFC East with a 10-4 record, play host to the Denver Broncos on Sunday. Eagles owner Jeffrey Lurie, coach Andy Reid and McNabb refused to comment on the latest Vick controversy or McNabb’s Kojak look.

An Eagles hater, however, had no problem stating his opinion.

“A situation like this would only happen in Philly,” said Mike from MTV’s ‘The Jersey Shore.’ “‘The Situation,’ however, would only happen at the Jersey Shore. Or in Philly, I guess, if I was there.”

Has Brett been naughty or nice? Hopefully Santa doesn't take as long to decide as Favre would.

And while mascots are meant to entertain fans, they say they need some entertainment too – the physical kind.

Pat allegedly wanted to host a Boston Tea-Bag party.

One day after the New England Patriots’ mascot, Pat, was arrested in a prostitution sting in Rhode Island, his fellow NFL mascots across the nation are telling dark tales of lonely sexless nights.

“Sure, we are cheered under the lights by tens of thousands of people,” said Miles, the Denver Broncos’ mascot. “But we’re not getting anything under the covers. You think it’s frustrating when you’re on a cold streak? Look at me. I’m hung like a horse and nobody even knows it!”

Miles poses for the ladies.

Mascots were nearly banned from their own sidelines in January after the Tennessee Titans’ T-Rac went for a cheerleader’s rack during a playoff loss to the Ravens. But after further review, the play on the field stood.

“Yeah I was lucky, but I still didn’t get lucky,” T-Rac said.

T-Rac couldn't contain himself in January.

From the fan’s perspective, mascots have the life. Everybody wants to touch them and they can pretty much get away with any shenanigans – on the field and in the stands. But while that’s true inside the stadium, it doesn’t go beyond there, they say.

“Opposing cheerleaders love me,” said Blue of the Indianapolis Colts. “But when I ask them if they wanna go clubbing after the game, they always say no. Here I spend three hours buttering them up and I’m left with my dick in my paw at the end of the night.”

Blue pleads for lovin'.

Blue added that most women don’t even realize if he’s frustrated because his “balls are always blue.”

Cheerleaders, however, tell a different story.

“We tell a different story,” said a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader, who spoke on the condition of anonymity because she couldn’t remember her name.

NFL mascots held a closed door meeting on Saturday in an undisclosed barn in the Midwest to discuss how to better deal with their raging hormones, an unnamed mascot said.

The meeting lasted three minutes.

After years of intense scrutiny for what many critics consider a flawed system, the Bowl Championship Series will finally institute a college football playoff next season, said Bill Hancock, its executive director.

Cramer's noggin holds the BCS's future

There will no longer be any computers or polls involved. Instead, one man will decide who will face each other in the playoff: Jim Cramer.

Cramer, who hosts Mad Money on CNBC, will begin hosting Mad Football on the NFL Network. He will pick the BCS playoff teams the same way he selects stocks: by taking calls from the men in charge – this time, schools’ coaches.

“I’ve never been more excited in my life than I am now,” said Cramer, who wore a Harvard jersey with its sleeves rolled up to his shoulders. “This will ensure fairness for all college football fans. Booyah!”

Five Division 1 programs completed their seasons undefeated, although only two of them – Alabama and Texas – are expected to vie for the BCS title. The others – TCU, Cincinnati, and Boise State – will likely settle for other BCS bowls. After watching another controversial season play out, Hancock said he huddled up with a BCS assistant and intern for a “power half hour” in a conference room, where they came up with the solution.

Carroll thinks Cramer can bathe him in Gatorade.

“College football has passionate fans, so it deserves someone with equal passion involved in the decision making process,” Hancock said. “It’s a mad world out there and Jim Cramer is just the man to calm it down a little bit.”

The new system has been lauded by the college football community, most specifically its head coaches. Since the announcement, 75 coaches have contacted Cramer to set up in-home visits, his assistant said. Florida’s Urban Meyer, USC’s Pete Carroll and Oklahoma’s Bob Stoops each sent Verizon to Cramer’s home to set up a special phone line, only to be chased away by Cramer’s canine, Mad Dog.

Nevertheless, they can’t wait for next season.

“I tell ya, the BCS finally got it right,” Carroll said. “Now nothing’s left to chance, and I don’t have to worry anymore about losing to crappy Pac-10 teams I don’t get my team prepared to play.”

Meyer expects to score with Cramer.

Meyer, whose Gators lost the SEC title game to Alabama on Saturday, said Cramer could have been the difference for his squad this season.

“With Jim running the show, we could still be in the title game,” Meyer said. “I don’t care what the computers or polls say. I care what Jim Cramer says, and I know next year at Notre Dame, I mean, Florida, he’ll say Gators.”

Even Jon Stewart, the host of The Daily Show who in March butted heads with Cramer over his day job, has no complaints.

“This has no effect on me whatsoever, so what the fuck do I care,” said Stewart, who attended the College of William and Mary. “Let (Cramer) run wild with this. I don’t gamble on sports, and if he stops paying attention to stocks and Mad Money is cancelled, Americans won’t be gambling on their futures anymore.”

Cramer laughed off the Stewart comment.

“Jon is a very funny man, but he won’t be laughing when I tell everybody to SELL his show and BUY Jimmy Fallon.”

Fallon, who was begging his audience to follow him on Twitter, was unavailable for comment.

There was just John Madden, his wife Virginia and a turducken.

For the first time in a long time, including his 30-year broadcasting career, Madden did not have to think about football.

Saddened Madden

“It’s an odd feeling,” said Madden, who didn’t know what to do with himself. “You know, it’s like you’ve got this feeling and it’s just odd, and that’s why you call it an odd feeling.”

The 73-year-old Hall of Famer, who spent the last three decades in living rooms across the country while working for the major four television networks, had trouble watching the games Thursday.

“Watching football is difficult when you’re not around the game,” he said. “You see, because I don’t work in football anymore, it’s difficult to watch. If I were around the game, it would be easy, but because I’m not, it’s difficult.”

While Madden hardly watched any of the three holiday games, he refused to leave his Madden Cruiser, which he has slept in for the entire season, his wife said.

“John is John, so when John’s being John, you can’t stop him from being John,” she said. “He’s just John.”

A man and his turducken

Madden’s refusal to sleep in the same bed as his wife has not been a surprise, his wife said. Without a structured schedule, Madden doesn’t know how to function, so he resorts to most of his past habits to stay sharp, she said. And that sharpness, unfortunately, leaves Virginia Madden without a spooner at night.

Her husband admits he doesn’t understand the fascination with the cuddling position.

“I’m not a big spoon guy,” he said. “Spoons can only go so far, which is why we have the fork. The fork can pick things up. The spoon only scoops, and when you scoop, you drop stuff. I don’t wanna drop stuff, so I use the fork.”

Madden telestrates the turducken creation process

Madden made good use of his fork Thursday, chomping away at a fresh turducken and all the trimmings that Virginia cooked. After eating a 20-lb. bird within a bird within a bird, three pounds of stuffing and two pounds of cranberry sauce, Madden took a breather to return to one of his favorite pastimes: telestrating.

While football was “out of the question,” Madden turned on “What’s Cluckin’ in My Turducken?” and began to go wild.

Pulling out the telestrator that Al Michaels gave him for his retirement, Madden pointed out the key methods that can mean the difference between a turducken gone right and a turducken “gone cluckin’,” he said.

“Watch this,” Madden said, his voice finally full of the passion that made him the most popular football color commentator of his generation. “The turkey may be dead, but it’s still ready for that duck. But the duck has to want to go inside that turkey and it can’t until the chicken wants to go inside the duck. Now watch these two men work their magic … right HERE. FREEZE IT!”

If only Madden were talking about the turducken and not the video.

“But I inhaled it fellas,” he said. “And when I inhale a turducken, it can’t come back out. Because I digested it, and you see, that’s the way digestion works.”